Ok, now that you know what kind of emotional state I was in, back to the trip to the rheumatologist. The doctor came in & and did that 18 point test on me. Boy did it hurt. I think I had all 18 points my body was sore all over. Then he asked me some questions on my pain. After that he told me I had Fibromyalgia. And that it is not progressive, there is no known reason for it, they don't truly know what causes it, and that it is usually treated with antidepressants. I told him I didn't want to take those things. Though I look back on it & with all that was going on maybe I should have.
They say that people with Fibromyalgia do not sleep well. My comment to that is, your right I don't sleep well. When I turn over & a tremendous pain shoots threw me, of course I am going to wake up. Duh!
For something that wasn't suppose to be progressive, why did it seem with each passing day it was getting worse? But there was some relief to finally to know what was wrong with me, that I wasn't crazy, even if it did sound like a cop out diagnoses to me. For a long time I believed that it was just plain muscle spasms, and they couldn't find out what was wrong or causing them. So they just gave it a long scientific name to make it sound good, and they didn't know what they were talking about.
But the more stuff on the Internet I read I know that it isn't true. Though some doctors still think it is psychological. It isn't. It is a very real pain, and a very real muscle twitch. I don't know if twitch is the right word. More like grab. You know how a turtle balls up in his shell when something moves near him? That is what my muscles do when I move they tighten up and then release. And those of you that have know what I am talking about. I didn't dream this pain up. I dream it would go away.
The doctor told me that pain that runs in my hip to my leg is bursitis. But I don't know about that. At one point he told me that my stractic nerve was inflamed. I did complain long enough that he ordered a cat scan on me. It showed I have a slightly bulging disk in my low back. I always wondered if he had run it on my whole back would he had found more? But he told me that I didn't need surgery at this time but I might in the future. That it could go out at anytime from just the simplest thing like tieing my shoes.
I eventually quit working at the restaurant to get a job with less hours and more breaks. When I worked there, managers were only aloud two 10 minute breaks for a 10 hour shift. So I got a job at a factory where I got two 15 minute breaks and a 30 minute lunch. But that only lasted 3 months. When I asked for lighter duties, they kept me till Christmas. Then let me go. So I went on to unemployment for about 6-7 months. Boy, that was a tough time. But I tried to keep my sprits up. Nothing could be worse than the loss of my child so what was yet to come was a definite improvement.
My relationship with my boyfriend was going down the tubes. And in April we finally split after 2½ years. So I moved back to Louisiana. After I came to the warmer climate, my pains have eased up a bit. They aren't as bad as they use to be. Don't get me wrong, I still have the pains, just I can go at least 6 out of 7 days with no pain. But when it does hit it says for a couple of weeks. I now have a doctor that has me on the antidepressants. I only agreed to it, cause he wouldn't give me anything else. I did convince him to give me the voltaren.
People still say I use my back as an excuse. That is not true. I know my limits of what I can do and can not do. And for me to say I am in pain, means I am in a great deal of pain. I don't like to voice it often. And try to keep it in as long as I can before I will admit to someone that I am hurting.
I do now have a nice sit down, lazy job. Where I don't have to feel guilty if I need time off or I am sick. And it is a job that I have always wanted. I had started school for it, but I had to quit. It is a no stress job compared to managing a restaurant.
My future husband has been so kind & supported through all of this. He helps me when I need it and rubs my back when it hurts. He puts the BenGay on me when I need it. And has yet to complain or tell me no. He does complain a little that his fingers hurt but he bought a massager to take over when he gives out. He has made dealing with Fibromyalgia a lot easier. And does not make me feel like I am a burden to him. He makes me feel like I am a part of him. Though he doesn't truly know what it feels like, he at least tries to. He is a very special man, and I was lucky to find him.
I hope this helps at least one person to understand what living with Fibromyalgia is like. Or let someone know that I understand what you are going through. Then I will know I didn't waste my time writing this.